Saturday, November 14, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
New Study...
So I know I did not post a blog yesterday, but that is simply for the fact that I am fighting a wicked head cold and frankly the thought of having to sit up for any length of time sounded about as appealing as having my bikini line waxed by Helen Keller. But, with the power of a pot of coffee and ALOT of Tylenol, I am here bringing you my daily bitchfest.
So, while listening to the radio, I heard there was a study done to see what percentage of men and women were more likely to leave their spouses if the spouse developed a debilitating or terminal illness such as MS or cancer. While I was shocked at the actual numbers, I was not really surprised at the results. The study showed that 20% of men were likely to leave if the wife fell ill, while only 3% of women were. To break it down, that’s 1 in every 5 men as opposed to 3 in every 100 women.
ARE YOU F*@%ING KIDDING ME!?!?!?! What kind of lower lifeform leaves their spouse WHEN THEY GET CANCER?! Did they change the marriage vows since I got married 3 years ago? Cause last time I checked it said “til DEATH do us part”, not “until you become a liability do us part”. Is this what the world has come to? A bunch of self absorbed twits who are only happy if they have a Stepford Wife (or Husband for that matter) that they can dispose of whenever something better comes along?
But alas, the world is full of egocentric Dorian Gray’s, so these incidents are not uncommon. My husband was friends with a girl who had a STROKE at 19 from the birth control she was on. While she was in the hospital recovering, her husband served her with divorce papers!
That is probably the sickest, most self-centered thing I have ever heard. It’s not a wonder that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce with selfish pricks like this tying the knot. If you have your head stuck so far up your own a$$ that you can tickle your tonsils, you may wanna reconsider wrapping someone else's life up in your narcissism. Do the world a favor and fall into a lake. We could use the extra air for people who actually deserve to breathe.
So, while listening to the radio, I heard there was a study done to see what percentage of men and women were more likely to leave their spouses if the spouse developed a debilitating or terminal illness such as MS or cancer. While I was shocked at the actual numbers, I was not really surprised at the results. The study showed that 20% of men were likely to leave if the wife fell ill, while only 3% of women were. To break it down, that’s 1 in every 5 men as opposed to 3 in every 100 women.
ARE YOU F*@%ING KIDDING ME!?!?!?! What kind of lower lifeform leaves their spouse WHEN THEY GET CANCER?! Did they change the marriage vows since I got married 3 years ago? Cause last time I checked it said “til DEATH do us part”, not “until you become a liability do us part”. Is this what the world has come to? A bunch of self absorbed twits who are only happy if they have a Stepford Wife (or Husband for that matter) that they can dispose of whenever something better comes along?
But alas, the world is full of egocentric Dorian Gray’s, so these incidents are not uncommon. My husband was friends with a girl who had a STROKE at 19 from the birth control she was on. While she was in the hospital recovering, her husband served her with divorce papers!
That is probably the sickest, most self-centered thing I have ever heard. It’s not a wonder that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce with selfish pricks like this tying the knot. If you have your head stuck so far up your own a$$ that you can tickle your tonsils, you may wanna reconsider wrapping someone else's life up in your narcissism. Do the world a favor and fall into a lake. We could use the extra air for people who actually deserve to breathe.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Relationship Rant :-P
Sometimes I see people in a relationship that is very obviously BAD for them but they remain in it “because I love them” or “I know they care about me deep down”. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?! Playing the love card in these relationships is like telling the world that you should be hit in the head with a ball peen hammer, REPEATEDLY!
If they REALLY loved you they would not be procreating with anything with a pulse, or treating you like you were single-handedly responsible for the holocaust. If you hear the phrase, “I did not mean to sleep with him/her, it just happened”, you better jump ship faster then the rats on the Titanic!
Since most of us don’t really know what to avoid, I will give you a brief run down.
Ladies, if a guy does ANY of the following, kick him in his special place as hard as humanly possible, and proceed to the nearest exit:
- Wears a flat-billed baseball cap backwards/sideways.
- Uses enough gel to choke a walrus when he spikes his hair.
- Wears his polo, or other shirts, with the collar popped.
- Throws up a sideways peace sign.
- Uses the word “Bro” in every sentence he utters. Example “Bro’s before Ho’s” or “That’s Tom, he is my Bro”
- Has been to the tanning salon more times then George Hamilton.
- Does any of the following when his picture is being taken: pointing at himself, holds up beer cans, or makes any other immature gesture.
- Grows a goatee because, “Hey it made Spencer Pratt cool, should work for me!”
- Refers to himself in the third person or adds extensions like "The" or "-ster" to his name. Example “The Mike” or “The Mikester”
These are all classic signs of the species known as the “Douchebag”. Douchebaggery should be avoided at ALL costs, and if humanly possible, these creatures should be gathered into a group and systematically sterilized.
You should also avoid any guy who:
- Insists that only they are right.
- Keeps the majority of their brain cells below their waist line.
- Treats others around him like sh*t.
- Is in any other way obnoxious, arrogant, or self-centered.
If you continually give these men attention, they will hump your leg like the dogs they are until they find the next conquest, and then they will drop you quicker then Obama’s approval rating.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a man-hating, dried up, old spinster. Nor am I in the habit of man bashing. So this is the part of my rant for the fella’s. By nature, I love men. And women like the following piss me off cause they give ALL women a bad wrap. Guys should run screaming if their woman does any of the following:
- Feels the need to emasculate you on a daily basis then carry your testicles around in her purse or a jar.
- Whines excessively for any reason, good or not.
- Makes leaps that even Evel Knievel would not attempt. Example “You lied to me about quitting smoking, you must be banging your secretary.”
- Measures your love on the amount of carats in the diamond bracelet you give her.
- Is often referred to as “The Ice Queen” or a raging bitch.
- Sleeps with everyone but YOU.
- Makes you look like a complete moron in front of everyone.
- Starts to talk about marriage and having babies on the first date.
- Would rather have bamboo shoved under her fingernails then spend any quality time with you.
- Asks for a copy of your bank statement before the relationship can progress
- Any girl that can be described as: skanky, slutty, whorish, easy, skeezy, loose, or who most men place the slang term “hoochie” on.
Men, if any of these women, commonly known as bitches or hoes, approaches you, remain calm, pick up a Zima, and tell her you are batting for the other team. The worse that will happen is she will want your opinion on whether her shoes and purse are a match.
Now that we all have a little more understanding on what we should avoid when looking for a partner, please, for the love of God, DON’T flock to these abominations. If you do, and then you feel the need to complain when you have to start picking out your ribbons for your hand-basket to hell, I will be the first in line to kick you in the forehead with my size 9 boot and inform you of just how big a wanker you are.
If they REALLY loved you they would not be procreating with anything with a pulse, or treating you like you were single-handedly responsible for the holocaust. If you hear the phrase, “I did not mean to sleep with him/her, it just happened”, you better jump ship faster then the rats on the Titanic!
Since most of us don’t really know what to avoid, I will give you a brief run down.
Ladies, if a guy does ANY of the following, kick him in his special place as hard as humanly possible, and proceed to the nearest exit:
- Wears a flat-billed baseball cap backwards/sideways.
- Uses enough gel to choke a walrus when he spikes his hair.
- Wears his polo, or other shirts, with the collar popped.
- Throws up a sideways peace sign.
- Uses the word “Bro” in every sentence he utters. Example “Bro’s before Ho’s” or “That’s Tom, he is my Bro”
- Has been to the tanning salon more times then George Hamilton.
- Does any of the following when his picture is being taken: pointing at himself, holds up beer cans, or makes any other immature gesture.
- Grows a goatee because, “Hey it made Spencer Pratt cool, should work for me!”
- Refers to himself in the third person or adds extensions like "The" or "-ster" to his name. Example “The Mike” or “The Mikester”
These are all classic signs of the species known as the “Douchebag”. Douchebaggery should be avoided at ALL costs, and if humanly possible, these creatures should be gathered into a group and systematically sterilized.
You should also avoid any guy who:
- Insists that only they are right.
- Keeps the majority of their brain cells below their waist line.
- Treats others around him like sh*t.
- Is in any other way obnoxious, arrogant, or self-centered.
If you continually give these men attention, they will hump your leg like the dogs they are until they find the next conquest, and then they will drop you quicker then Obama’s approval rating.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a man-hating, dried up, old spinster. Nor am I in the habit of man bashing. So this is the part of my rant for the fella’s. By nature, I love men. And women like the following piss me off cause they give ALL women a bad wrap. Guys should run screaming if their woman does any of the following:
- Feels the need to emasculate you on a daily basis then carry your testicles around in her purse or a jar.
- Whines excessively for any reason, good or not.
- Makes leaps that even Evel Knievel would not attempt. Example “You lied to me about quitting smoking, you must be banging your secretary.”
- Measures your love on the amount of carats in the diamond bracelet you give her.
- Is often referred to as “The Ice Queen” or a raging bitch.
- Sleeps with everyone but YOU.
- Makes you look like a complete moron in front of everyone.
- Starts to talk about marriage and having babies on the first date.
- Would rather have bamboo shoved under her fingernails then spend any quality time with you.
- Asks for a copy of your bank statement before the relationship can progress
- Any girl that can be described as: skanky, slutty, whorish, easy, skeezy, loose, or who most men place the slang term “hoochie” on.
Men, if any of these women, commonly known as bitches or hoes, approaches you, remain calm, pick up a Zima, and tell her you are batting for the other team. The worse that will happen is she will want your opinion on whether her shoes and purse are a match.
Now that we all have a little more understanding on what we should avoid when looking for a partner, please, for the love of God, DON’T flock to these abominations. If you do, and then you feel the need to complain when you have to start picking out your ribbons for your hand-basket to hell, I will be the first in line to kick you in the forehead with my size 9 boot and inform you of just how big a wanker you are.
Mobile Blogging X-D
He he he. Now I can blog from my phone. You should be afraid, VERY afraid. Because if I see you being an absolute MORON, your pic will be on the web :-P
Monday, November 9, 2009
Well, here we are
So, by tradition, I am your typical goth chick. I am a non-conformist, I listen to hardcore music, I wear alot of black, and I have no problem telling you to go f@%& yourself. So one probably wonders why a girl like me would write a blog. Well, the short answer is, alot of stuff pisses me off on a daily basis. Usually I complain to my friends or scream a slew of obscenities at the moron in question, but in this age of the world wide web, I think it's time to take my ranting on a global scale. So here it goes:
Ok, if I have to HEAR one more bubble-headed bimbo say "Like Oh My God" as they bob their head back and forth, I will seriously choke someone. Do these girls think that guys find the fact that there is more air in their heads then it takes to fill a hot air balloon attractive? Honestly sweetie, the only thing acting like this tells guys is that you are more likely to drop to your knees faster then the stock market fell in 1929.
Seriously, you have one of two choices. Pick up a book for God's sake and attempt to fill your head with enough knowledge so you can finally learn to walk and chew gum at the same time, or do the world a favor, and get your tubes tied. We have enough Paris Hilton's and Jessica Simpson's in the world. We don't need you morons breeding too...
Ok, if I have to HEAR one more bubble-headed bimbo say "Like Oh My God" as they bob their head back and forth, I will seriously choke someone. Do these girls think that guys find the fact that there is more air in their heads then it takes to fill a hot air balloon attractive? Honestly sweetie, the only thing acting like this tells guys is that you are more likely to drop to your knees faster then the stock market fell in 1929.
Seriously, you have one of two choices. Pick up a book for God's sake and attempt to fill your head with enough knowledge so you can finally learn to walk and chew gum at the same time, or do the world a favor, and get your tubes tied. We have enough Paris Hilton's and Jessica Simpson's in the world. We don't need you morons breeding too...
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